week 30: peace

well past halfway done now, week 30.

and im faced with peace.

i would like to start with that i love my family, they have always been there, they are alway there for me, for one another, no matter what.

period.

holidays are hard, this one has been as well. mostly the first few days are spent telling every relitave the same answer to the same questions over and over again. i know that they ask out of love and concern but i feel like typing up some faq's before going home and printing a hundred o hand out.

i know that i wont do that but there are only so many times you can say someone left you before you want to swallow something, pills, foreign objects - ages three and up, or drink.

i guess things could be worse.


this is one of a few ideas i had for the topic, i might post the others if i choose to draw anything further on this topic.

smoking can be a great escape in a family that doesnt, as a rule, smoke.

as much as love them, im not, and have never been, used to being around large groups of people, and its worse when there is history among the group(s).

i guess thats about all i have to say on this for now.

i hope you enjoy.

10,000 HITS!

i just wanted to take a moment to thank all of you out there for visiting, coming back, and leaving the great feedback that you have given me.

to be honest, part of me never thought that id be able to generate as much interest in this project as i have. my past websites and the like had been up for years and probably never broke 2000 hits.

i feel honored that you come here, i am grateful to those who have linked their pages to mine, i am grateful to illustration friday, for the wonderful exposure and for inspiration. i woul also like to thank susan tuttle, and her art blog community, artwords.

mostly, i really want to thanks all of you who have taken the time, or were moved to comment on a piece. i honestly cannot explain what it feels like to have people reacting on an emotional level to my work.

thank you all, friends, family, and stranger alike.

thank you so very much.

SFG lateness: santa

im both proud and ashamed of this drawing.

the original is promised to my favorite bartender ever at her insistance and comp'd beer.

i guess its good then

or something.

help, yet agian,... again.

closer to what i wanted to do with this topic.

anyway.

help: the original concept

ive never been a morning person, but a mug of coffee and a cigarette helps, oh god do they help.

help, yet again

ive been dreaming alot lately,


and its not been of any help to my life:

in the dreams, odd as it may sound, are a amalgam of my ex'es. these dreams are all the worst and bst of all of the relationships have been.

ive been trying not to sleep, its too hard.

i could use some help, and like i said before, nothing seems to work.

week 29: help

it hurts, i hurt all the time and nothing seems to help

i have a few others regarding this topic which i wll post soon

week 28: mask

every morning i look in the mirror and wonder, what masks will i wear today?

sometimes its predecided, and others (and mostly) its decided by the events of my life.

i seem to wear different masks with different people.

sometimes i wonder which one is the "real" me, and then i realize that it doesnt really matter anymore.

or maybe i just wish that it doesnt.

week 27 might

i really wish i had the words right now

might

i might have another

i might have been

i might have had

might

might

shoulda woulda coulda

what could have been

what MIGHT have been

i guess it doesnt really matter

week 26: invention

yeah, late again...

i really didnt know what to do with this one.

it hit me the other night but ive been busy with other things.

so here is invention, ive done it in two different formats, hopefully one or the other will be easier to understand.

at anyrate i think that i should include the text here in case you cant read it:

invention

ive thought about this at length
creation
fabrication
and ive come to this:

that life, with her, that future that i had willed into existance,

was real so long as i worked on keeping it up

this illusion

and the second i gave up,

it ended and disappeared

like smoke, gone

so i guess what ive come to in all of this, is that the "happiness" that i invented

that i had lost

can no longer be viewed in terms of losing her but losing a part of myself

and by understanding this

ive come to understand that all this misery, isolation, all this pain that i have gone through since...


its all been my invention.

so yeah there it is.

anyway.