week 4: twist

you can never go home again.

ive written at length about this, its not the physical location, but the temporal essence of home.

its never the same, can never be the same.

since starting work at *bucks ive run into many people from my past.

plans were made, bar was visited and...

and through them have learned about others ive known.

in the " have you heard about...?" sort of way.

and from this, the other day, i get, oh i helped deliver j's child.

and my heart seized.

and my beer suddenly became my chaser.


there were so many questions i wanted to ask, stupid mundane little things that she and i had talked about at odd hours of the night regarding if we were ever to have kids.

like a name for example.

but i didnt.

ask that is.

i just couldnt help thinking about how a small part of me never really gave up hope until that moment.

and that part of me died just then.

and that nagging question of would she have kept it had it been mine.

and but for a twist of fate

the twist of the knife.

im honestly smiling right now, really.

week 3: camouflage

though im a pretty good faker, ive never really been comfortable in social situations, i dont know why this is. whenever i am in large to medium sized groups of people i alway come away exhausted, like how i would feel after taken a final exam or something.

usually i have a book or my sketch pad and some sort of mp3 player in my bag so that if its gets too much i can find a corner somewhere and melt into the background, a sort of social camouflage .

week 2: rejection

this one could have been a turkey shoot, in the sense that i saw the prompt, and given the nature of many of these posts...

anyway.

i thought id go a different direction.

remember when you were a kid and youd get mail and it was a big deal?

remember after a few years having lived away from home where all you get are bills and junk mail...

well ive been getting those a lot.

and ironically its a bunch of credit card companies sending me pre-approved credit cards applications hassling me to join up.

and the thing is i know that were i to apply, due to my credit history, id be rejected.

i did actually, once to test the theory.

well it wasnt the first time, im sure it wont be the last.

topic 56: dwelling: late

ive long since come to a conclusion that part of my problems is that so much of me dwells in the past.

it is our uncertainty of our future that keep us so rooted to our past.

sfg: pybot

the other night i went out (gasp, i know!) and did/tried to do some sketching for this weeks prompts. i went to this local bar that has a patio so i nursed a beer for an hour and smoked. it was nice, overall, except for the fact that there were no girls around, it was a complete sausage fest...

so i drew this.

art jumble: rabbits

colored version, not sure if i like it though

week 1: suit

my new suit.

one quarter, during finals, we were rendering out 3d animations at school. the process is tedious but time intensive, not to mention that you have to guard the labs to make sure that some other student doesnt come along and take over one of the computers that you are using.

well this one day (and every other day for that matter) we were taking a break and walked down a block to starbucks.

at that time there was the uber cute barista working there and we all were trying to "make time with her."

as this was like the fifth time we had come back that day she asked me what we were doing that we needed so much coffee...

i told her.

and she said, "oh yeah, back when i was in art school up in washington we had to watch the computers all the time, we even spent the night sometimes."

and i asked what her major was.

"animation"

the very same as mine.

and i remember thinking that i worked at starbucks before i went to college. that and i felt a little sick at the thought that it could have been me.

and now it is.

it was all very ominous.

on the plus side i get benefits in a few months free coffee and, well, a paycheck.

-edit-

just got home from work and i realized that i didnt really express what i was trying to earlier.

im not giving up on art, and i also do not believe that i am entitled to work in the field, i have to earn it and i know this.

i just find it frustrating sometimes that i am in a job that i had eight years ago, i know that the reason for this are the decisions ive made, i picked a school that wasnt very good, i put someone elses needs before mine for two years and neglected my own only to have that relationship end, and i gave into depression that caused me to have to move back home to "start over" and get back on my feet.

anyway, i guess this one came out a little more "poor me" than i intended.

really its the start of a new year a new job and a new chapter of my life.

and that... that "suits" me fine.

warrior

that effer is so going down.

yet another reason why you should never arm a monkey.

topic 55: birthday (late)

an excerpt from my live journal:

i have had my fair share of shitty birthdays in the past, like the one where they all forgot, and the time i got a case of motor oil and i didnt even have a car at the time(!?!?)

i remember very clearly last year's.

it was nice.

my ex and i went to a local bar up here, i got a pitcher of beer, we played darts, and talked about marriage.

and then there was yesterday:

i found that the few possible friend plans had fallen through. found out that my checking account was overdrawn because the stupid landlord took his sweet time in depositing the checks.

i ended up watching the office with my mom.

and heres the thing, i really didnt have many expectations for the day and still i was let down.

year one

i followed through.

guest comics are now accepted.

ifn: I think we're alone now

know that im alone now, there never was any doubt.

everything fails, love, friends, life itself.


im okay with that though.

IFN: I think we're alone now.

week 52: your paradise

i had a few ideas for this, my momentous last post of year one.

i find myself at times, like in lines or when im sitting around in the odd idle moment, thinking about the past.

and i realize that my paradise exists only in my memories.

it was going to be a comic, with something i wrote a long time ago...

guy to girl:

i cant think of a single moment of happiness in my life before right now, and even if i could, it would only pale in comparison.

there is no place id rather be than in your arms.

and this is how i choose to end this year.

angels and demons

week 51: cars

wow, week 51 out of 52 finished, in a few hours i will have the final prompt of this year.

this week was a tough one. its been rough, moving back in with my family, at night sometimes i go for walks when everyone is asleep.

the other night i was standing on the overpass, watching cars drive by and the lines frome a snow patrol song that im not overly fond of played over and over in my mind.

lets waste time, chasing cars, around our heads.