it was said the other day that my situation was not so unlike the whole jim and pam thing, i had made a joke about us being the ross and rachel of the office.

later that same day we, she and i, were watching an office recap on youtube and she said " i kinda look like pam, dont i?

s'funny, when im not with her i find myself drawing her.
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Now playing: Tori Amos- 1000 Oceans (Here On Earth Soundtrack)

sometimes i feel as if i should be a prime example of a cautionary tale.



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Now playing: Wheatus - Teenage Dirtbag (Acoustic)

Over 300 (dis)proofs of God's existence

take what you will from this one.

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Now playing: K's Choice - My Heart

week 20: trick or treat

thinking back to a mis(well)spent youth full of mischief and debauchery. of many a halloween playing as many tricks on people as the treats we begged off our neighbors.

finally a IF weekly post that isnt late.

week 19: grow

i know, i know, im late again...

lets just say that lately its been difficult to find the time to sit down and draw, ive just had other priorities at the moment. ill try and work on this.

in the meantime id like to say that i have grown quite fond of her.

week 18 (late): extremes

i know that you will never read this, and if i thought that you ever would i wouldnt post it, even to and up to this day i have never told a soul.

i saw you, out back, crying that day.

i stood there, a stolen cigarette in my hands and i watched as the strongest woman i had met, who would die before allowing anyone see her cry break down in tears.

and for you i wrote a song.

dead girl.

so
betrayed
by the way
your dress can make you seem
so insecure to all
you never felt a thing
so beautiful
and in my eyes
theres no one else
so far away i feel you again

so stand up straight
stand up tall
your shoulders back
your chin held proud

dont let them se you cry

youd rather die.

so run away from me
from them
from the clouds
and someday you might fell something

dead girl you were the one

im sure of that
as much as ive become
dead like you
with no one like you
in my life these days
and when we talk id cry

at the way

you hated no one

but yourself.

for a crappy lo-fi download
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Now playing: Tori amos - hey jupiter
via FoxyTunes

ifn: corupting/expanding innocent eyes

isnt getting effed over some universal form of life lesson, teaching us how to perpetuate the cycle, even if unconsciously, and the apathy it breeds?

a guest strip i did for the great fuzzy and oj web comic.

its a great strip (no pun intended) i highly recommend it... but not so much at work.

week 17: open

so this week has been hard.

between not sleeping much, working two jobs and not having a day off since i dont know when i have left my self wide open.

wide open to get sick.

which i have.

ugh.

week 16: the blues

i was out earlier tonight,
i didnt really want to be at home, to be honest i really dont want to be anywhere right now...

on saturday this woman comes into work and i swear my breath caught in my throat.

and for a moment i thought it was her, i had to check the tattoos to make sure it wasnt.

if she had a sister this woman would have been her.


and last night...

this is what i wrote earlier tonight when i was trying to draw:

this place is making me feel old tonight. it would be one thing id those years spent had yielded anything as far as my present is concerned. but as it stands, i had those years, i had everything that i ever wanted, i had her. really thats all i ever wanted, to be with her, and now shes gone, and that future with her and i have nothing.

nothing but unwanted memories of being happier that i have been since.

and then again i might be idealizing my past, old people tend to do that.

and i so wish that i was done with this, with her, these feelings that i cant seem to get over. oh i think i have, i think that ive moved on but something always seems to come up to remind me of her and the dreams begin again.

she wasnt always that nice, or compassionate, or really even all that beautiful, at least not in the classical sense,but for whatever reason i think that she was the one that i was meant to be with.

in retrospect i have never carried around feelings for someone as long as i have for her.

so the dreams, when i dream of her, i guess that they are more nightmares than anything else, i wake up sweating and on the verge of tears, half-remembered images of what happened.

and knowing that i had had her and then lost her all over again.

and its been so long now that i know the woman im hung up on, that i cant seem to let go of doesnt even exist anymore, that she has chanced and become a different person than i remember.

that and i can barely remember her face anymore.

the only thing that i can remember are smell of her hair, the taste of her lips and the blues of her eyes.


original blue pencil sketch
sketch i did of her years ago, before we got back together