week 23: zoo

back in college one of the exercises we would do in our life drawing classes was hop on the bus and go to the zoo to practice drawing the animals.

i remember drawing monkeys once and one came up to the gate and just stared at me for a while until it got bored and wandered off .

sometimes i feel like i can relate to that chimp.

stuck somewhere and watching life move all around you and being unable to really participate.

week 22: scale

i know that these have been late... lately.

sorry. uber-busy life and all that, little time to fit all the work that im doing into 24 hour packets.

this one works for a few prompts ive seen last week.

scale, what's left to say, and a few others.

i was outside the other night thinking about where i am and the events that have led me here.

on a scale of one to ten id say im at a six or seven looking at it from an overall view, a two with finances, and an eleven when it comes to my love life.

i was also thinking about end of my last relationship.

not dwelling, pining for the loss of the girl and wishing i could be with her, but of all the decisions i made because of her, the risks i took because i had planned on being with her, you know, despite shortcomings in the relationship, for forever.

so whats left to say?

with her, it was "im not happy anymore."

and with me it was " i havent really been for awhile now either and while were being brutally honest, youre not all that great in bed."

i know how that makes me sound.

but it was true

and id like to think that this project is nothing if not honest.

and on that note:

brand new - mix tape

I got a twenty-dollar bill that says no one's ever seen you without makeup.
You're always made up.
And I'm sick of your tattoos,
and the way you always criticize the Smiths... and Morrissey.
And I know that you're a sucker for anything acoustic.
But when I say let's keep in touch,
I really mean I wish that you'd grow up.
This is the first song for your mixtape.
It's short just like your temper,
but somewhat golden like the afternoons we used to spend before you got to cool...

I got a twenty-dollar bill that says no one's ever seen you without makeup.
You're always made up.
And I'm sick of your tattoos, and the way you don't appreciate Brand New or me
And I know that you're a sucker for anything acoustic.
But when I say let's keep in touch,
I hope you know I mean I wish that you'd grow up.
This is the first song for your mixtape.
It's short just like your temper,
but somewhat golden like the afternoons we used to spend before you got to cool...

(yeah, but I wish you were my shadow.)

i found my favorite shirt the other day, i bought years ago it from a store on haight st. in the company of a woman who i was very much in love with at the time.

its kinda a lucky shirt, when i wear it good things happen, it has been higly prized by friends and foes alike.


at one point i actually had to steal it back from an ex.
The drunk kids, the catholics
They’re all about the same
They’re waiting for something
Hoping to be saved
Well I have been happy the past couple days
Just thinking of the women who’ve taken your place
And every night I think I certaintly won't ever sleep sober or alone
And then suddenly it occurs to me
I've slept alone before you
And so I pour myself the stiffest drink my stomach can stand
And convince myself to lay back down again
I’m gonna lay back down, I’m gonna lay back down again
The drunk kids, the catholics
They're all about the same
They’re waiting for something
Hoping to be saved
The drunk kids, the catholics
They're all about the same
They’re waiting for something
Hoping to be saved
The drunk kids, the catholics
They're all about the same
They’re waiting for something
Hoping to be saved
They crawl from the oceans
To paint in the caves
But I’m working all weekend
I need to get paid
They crawl from the oceans
To paint in the caves
But I’m working all weekend
I need to get paid
They crawl from the oceans
To paint in the caves
But I’m working all weekend
I need to get paid
They crawl from the oceans
To paint in the caves
But I’m working all weekend
I need to get paid

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Now playing: Bright Eyes - Drunk Kid Catholic

week 21 hats

i dont think that there is any way to say what im trying to say here without sounding like an ass, or that i am trying to be hurtful.

i guess what im saying is that im not trying to be mean.

but my hat's off to you.

you were right, completely right.

i was standing in line somewhere the other day and she came up behind me and wrapped her arms around me and snuggled up to my neck, i realized that i was so completely in love. that i suddenly had this future ahead of me that wasnt drawn out, predictable, final.

that there we possibilities.

and with you, not so much.

now i doubt that you will ever read this post but its something that i feel that i need to say.

being with her has shown me that i was settling for you.

settling with you.

you were right, from the start you were right.


you were right to have broken up with me at the beginning, and i was too stubborn to give up that quickly, to listen to you and realize that it was really that simple, that black and white.

you were an anchor in my life.

and that i deserved more than that.

i thought it was my choice, that i was doing the honorable, the right thing.

and i see now that i was being foolish.

thank you for leaving me.

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Now playing: Cush - Crush Me