week 41: glow

 

had a few different ideas for this one.  I kept going back and forth between them, and due to the holidays and running around I had lees time than id have like to commit to the quick sketches I had jotted down earlier this week.

tonight I did something that I haven't done in more than ten years. I went to dennys, sat alone, ordered a meal and cracked open the sketchpad.

it was weird in its own way, I was thinking about what all else was going on in my life at that time, I was twenty three, in school, and just going through one of those life defining breakups, that truth be told im still trying to resolve in my mind, or heart, or whatever.

there was this song she had made me listen to, she said it sounded like the stuff I listened to. it was by boxcar racer, and the song was one of those tunes that eventually get played so often on the radio you are sick of it long before it finally goes away. the song was there is.

theres a line that reminds me of her, well the song in its entirety does that, but in this case it was a night outside of dennys during the summer and we were smoking and sitting on the hood of her car and this song came on the radio.

I miss the grinded concrete where we sat till eight or nine, an slowly finish laughing in the glow of our headlights.

that was us.

so there I was earlier, older, fatter, and with way more baggage than I had back then, standing out in the cold. I closed my eyes and it almost felt like I was back there again.

it reminded me that we are all time travelers after a fashion. we travel a day at a time a year at a time to the future. that fourth dimension of time is what separated me from the past, physically I was standing on the same concrete, under the same streetlight with the buzzing glow that has still yet to be fixed.

I don't think that id like to go back, as much as I might tell myself. id like make all the same mistakes again, well not all but many. I know she is a mistake id gladly make a third time.

so much for learning from the past.