to see what i had done go here, anyway.
one of the things that ive been struggling with over the last year, along with soberity, is a change in how i deal, or cope with things that are basically out of my control.
the old fallback of drinking myself to sleep, rinse and repeat is no longer a viable option for me. my body just cant take it anymore.
its odd that in some way that fact is comforting, it's like once ive decided ive had enough of life i can crack open a bottle and everything will take care of itself, albeit in a excruciating sort of way.
it also serves as a reminder that as much as i bitch and moan about hating life, im not yet ready to explore the alternatives. that said, i guess i have to try and figure out how to live.
over the last year i have been visited by things from my past that i had managed for ages to avoid, i have dealt with shady people who hire and refuse to pay for services rendered and family stuff as well.
i have also made three small attempts at having a romantic relationship.
despite the frustrations ive been able to learn from these experiences and while there is a nearly overwhelming urge to run away and hide from the world ive forced myself to face the consiquences.
fighting your hardwired reactions isnt easy, and i can almost feel the angel and devil on my shoulders whispering in my ear.