7/18/13

travel

these things, these words and images in my mind, it's often far too loud in here for my tastes.

all those years running, and knowing that the moment i stopped would be when all of that, these things would become real. i don't know what i was hoping for, "living"that way, i think it was with some vague idea that if i could keep that pace up for long enough that i'd burn myself out before the consequences became manifest

.i don't like how i felt, i still don't sometimes although it's not as often these days.

i spent the last ten or fifteen years treading water with weights tied around my ankles and a stomach cramp, i have some good memories, and for what it's worth, i have few regrets. i know how it was, i get it, i so fucking get it. 

this past year has been a gift, it's not everyone that is fortunate enough to find what i have, let alone be willing to be open and ready to accept it - for me it took what it took.

this is my generation's anthem, well one of them anyway. 

nirvana - smells like teen spirit

Load up on guns, bring your friends
It's fun to lose and to pretend
She's over bored and self-assured
Oh no, I know a dirty word

Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello

With the lights out, it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My libido
Yeah

I'm worse at what I do best
And for this gift I feel blessed
Our little group has always been
And always will until the end
Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello

With the lights out, it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My libido
Yeah

And I forget just why I taste
Oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile
I found it hard, it's hard to find
Oh well, whatever, never mind.

Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello

With the lights out, it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My libido
Yeah

a denial.

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