week 34: reflect

I've been meaning to post this since the day after Christmas, the delay being the art. trying to settle on how to express what i'd like to say this/these week/s has been difficult and while i finally feel like i have some sort of grip on what is going through my mind right now i'm not entirely sure if i'm going to be able to say what i mean. 

when i started fifty-two fridays, the intent was to pick something, and actually follow through with it for a year. the idea was that i could go back, a year later and see how my life had or hadn't changed, in my own words.

this has been educational.

sometime it's odd reading what I've written, it brings details back and can be very uncomfortable sometimes. 

one of the more difficult things about writing in one place for so long is not to repeat myself all of the time. yes, i have been guilty of this, and many of the themes overlap but this whole thing has been about my life, right? and i am the first to admit that i have many unresolved issues. 

 

anyway.

last week i turned 35. that night i was sitting in my office looking at a blank screen trying to figure out what to post. i didn't want to focus on how my birthdays usually suck and that i have stopped really caring about them, and i was thinking about the year that was an exception to the rule.

it's a little funny how some of the best memories i have can be linked to times, places and or people who didn't really have an overall positive impact in my life. the example, in this case is that one year the woman i had been dating remembered some off hand comment about a small band that i like playing at slim's in SOMA. i was completely taken by surprise when we arrived at the mystery destination a few weeks later and i got to see a band that i like very much, play music that i love ten feet from where i was standing. i had been to more than a few shows in my life but this was just so... special.

the list to the left of the screen is a copy of the playlist from that night that someone from the show scanned.

The Last, Last One - The Weakerthans

You always stole all my last words.
Here's no exception then,
one more for me to send. 

And nothing happens in the end. 
I'm thinking of you less, more concerned... and more is less, 
I guess it doesn't matter now. 

Maybe we'll never go insane. 
You always said we would, 
sometimes I wished we could 

with you lying naked in the rain 
and singing Boney M, cutting down all our old friends. 

I talk to them again now. 

So here's the last one I have left. 
We fell a little deep, I watched you fall asleep.

And nothing happens in the end, 
but I remember when I could remember when. 

Seems like a long time ago.