week 1 (31): breakfast

just a doodle

and now

i guess that this, what, relaunch(?) is a sort if breaking of a fast.

i havent really drawn for about two years.

it wasnt intentional, i think that things kept coming up and i fell behind and out of practice.

and im sorry, this blog, sadly or not has been one my greater achievements in life and i abandoned it for... something less, and ultimately a waste of time.

i blame myself, and in part, the last... girl. she was a poor distraction at best and i suspect in retrospect was just another tool for my subconscious to fuck up my life.

when i met her i thought she was different from the usual types i gravitated towards in the past.

she wasnt, she just hid her damage better than the others.

as i get older i realize that as much as id like to sum up the complex "miracle" that is life or the "onus" of the human condition in some trite or inane truism, that i cant... still the impulse makes me try.

hence

there are two types of people in the world those who eat breakfast and those who dont... and those two should never date.

that and ive come to realize that i can be somewhat of an ass, so there.

oh,

one more thing.

ive lost a lot since i stopped this blog.

ive learned that getting older, at some point life stops being about gaining things, and starts becoming a... living tribute to what you have lost.

people-family-jobs-habits-days of my life-bottles of whatevers cheapest...

breakfast used to be a cigarette, now its usually just dinner.

i dont eat much these days.

ive prolly posted this before but hell its been awhile...

brighteyes - ive been eating (for you)

so i'm just a medicine
you take when you're sick
you get well and that's it
i'm put back
on the shelf in your mirror
and it isn't exeptional
the course of our fate
cuz people love and they hate
and i guess
it's just our turn to hate.
yeah you were just some song i wrote
a poem on a page
a sculpture i made
out of clay -
desire was the flame.
but now you're more of a basketball
boys just pass you around
they bounce you hard on the ground
and dribble
then we all get high 5's.
and you think i'm an asshole now
well you're probably right
but at least i'm not blind to the fact
i've been wishing were lies.
but still i hope you get everything
that you care to possess
and unbelievable sex
with him
or any one of my friends.
but just don't ask about my appetite
i didn't lose it tonight
it's been gone half my life
it's just i
i've been eating for you.