9/24/10

in my younger and more impressionable years

i read a book.

im not sure that this is correct but for some reason all i remember taking away from the great gatsby was an epic tale of self destruction.

same with catcher in the rye and one flew over the cuckoos nest.

down in flames.

anyway.

back about 12 years or so ago i used to sit on the ledge of an overpass spanning us highway 50, and watch the cars speed by at 1:30 in the morning.

later i moved to the bay area for college, and was housed, for a time, off 280 in daily city. where there was another overpass that was under construction at the time and watch people speed back and forth while i downed cans of whatever, my booted feet dangling over the late night traffic.

i know that it has been awhile since i posted and im sorry. things have been crazy in my neck of the woods here and i havent really had the chance to leave the house much. and the things that have been happening here arent funny and hardly worth remembering anyway.

tonight i decided to go out.

and did a crossword puzzle on the patio.

and there was a girl there that was trapped in the most painfully awkward conversation i have been witness to in a long time.

and she eventually latched onto me. in the sense that she focused her attention on the fact that i was multitasking and not trying to mentally or verbally rape her.
and i was clever, and funny, and she laughed.

the guy who was trying to get her gave up, belched loud enough to rattle the tables and left.

and we talked.

and slowly i realized that all this was pointless. she was nice and moderately cute but ultimately she was just empty calories.
we talked an i was trying to explain what was going on in my life and i realized that she was staying because there was no one else at the place and that i was making noise and moving around.

so i left.

the other day i heard a song, and its a song i know that i have to have heard before because i looked it up and its in a few movies that i have seen.

fair - remy zero

Hey, are you lonely?


Has summer gone so slowly?

We found the ground

And that damage was done

It's cold as you fade into the sun

Where'd you go? To me?



But you're alive!

Well, it's only

Fallen frames, they told me

You stand out, it's so loud

And so what if it is?

It's cold as you face into the wind

Where'd it go to? tonight the sun shall see its light



So what if you catch me,

Where would we land?

In somebody's life

For taking his hands

Sing to me hope as she's

Thrown on the sand

All of your work

Is rated again

Where to go ?



And you were somehow the ran thing could allow

But it's all wrong

You're so strong

And this life and work

And choice took far too long

Where'd it go? tonight the sun shall see its light



So what if you catch me,

Where would we land?

In somebody's life

For taking his hands

Sing to me hope as she's

Thrown on the sand

All of our work

Is rated again



When I was sure you'd follow through

My world was turned to blue so thin

When you'd hide your songs would die

So I'd hide yours with mine

And all my words were bound to fail

I know you won't fail

See, I can tell


i doubt that this is a thing that many people experience, but do you ever listen to a song and think that it would be okay if you died while it was playing? like if i listened to this than killed myself it would be fine.
or if i put it at the end of a movie that bled into the credits.
i guess its all kinda the same thing right?,
at anyrate.
i have a few.

this is one of them, maybe not top 5 but definitely top 10.

so left the patio, ditched the flat half-a-beer and fully flat conversation and drove to the overpass that i sat on back in high school and listened to that song over and over until my ass was numb from the cold concrete and i made my way back here.

so that was this day, you know, in real life.
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