week 10 (40): old fashioned
it cant rain all the time though, right?
(a thinly veiled reference at the crow.)
i have found myself living a life that seems to be growing smaller and smaller.
last saturday i spent an evening going through old sketch books for numbers of people that i had fallen out of touch with over the years, and in many cases only to find that they didnt answer or, the numbers were no longer valid.
so i gave up an watched movies instead.
movies on vhs. things i had not seen for ages.
and i slowly realized that one of my problems is that i am mourning a life that never really had a chance to happen.
yes i am fun and funny and great to have around at certain times but i never really figured out the every day adult life bit.
and that i was lied to by books and movies and television and subscribed to an old fashioned view of love.
i dont believe in that kind of love anymore.
if it exists its rare at best.
that antiquated idea that you live solely for another person and that they in turn complete you in some way.
i dont buy that anymore.
you might wonder about the green couch.
there are only two people on this earth who would understand the significance of that and i doubt that she remembers or even gives a fuck if she does.
i need to start posting earlier. im always bummed out at this point of the night.
at 4:13 AM