week 9 (39): acrobat

so a lot of things have been happening to me lately.

many changes in my life, many conclusions drawn, many events that i have weathered. ive been thinking a lot about my life, where i am, where i want to be, and fighting this depression/ambivalence that seems to have grown a bit heavier since my grandmother died.

i know that i have issues, no, fuck that, problems. and that over the years i have developed an almost acrobatic way of not dealing with shit. its like i keep dodging bullets and all the while theres this nuclear missile still headed towards me.

i realize that i started this project for several reasons.

one of which is that i am an incredibly lonely person at times, and that this can be a way to interact in a severely stunted and retarded sort of way. i also know that i am more likely to continue creating if i know that i have an audience, and i suppose that this is therapy.

ive never had much luck on a couch... well, i mean a therapists couch anyway, and this seems to be fulfilling some kind of service in my life i guess.

i have a few other versions of this that i may or may not get around to posting.

anyway right now i feel like im hanging from a trapeze and that i have all my baggage chained to my feet and my fingers are slipping...

... and there may or may not be a pool of sharks with frikkin' laser beams strapped to their heads swimming below me.