week 31: bounce



after the week long stay in the hospital last april i was given what seemed like a TON of medication, i finally had some sort of medical insurance and when i went to the doctor and mentioned my anxiety attack id been having, i was given a perscription. i cant remember what it was called, something that started with an "a" i think. well i got home from the pharmacy and took my first dose.

it was pretty awesome.

suddenly i wasnt stressed or worried, i was uber creative when just a day before had been struggling with a lack of inspiration, i had energy, i felt like myself... for about an hour... so i took another... and another... and at that point i was impared enough that i wound up taking the entire bottle in about thirty hours.

at that point id been sober for about two weeks or so, and what i didnt know was that the medication interacted with my alcohol starved brain the way drinking did. like i said i was pretty productive, i drew tons of drawing which turned out pretty good, and wrote a bunch as well, sadly it turned out to be mostly either illegibe, fragmented thoughs or strings of words that didnt go together.

some time in the early hours the following morning i was still up, working away when i accidently woke up my mom with the show that had been on tv. she didnt know what i had been up to and angryly made me go to bed despite my protests. i relented and went to sleep... and very nearly didnt wake up.

a few hours later my mom checked on me before leaving for work and she said that i wasnt breathing properly and was blue. the ambulance was called alon with a sherrif. i woke up to a very nervous sherrif yelling at me to keep my hands where he could see them  and made me get out of bed just in time for the paramedics to come in and wheel me out to the ambulance. i dont really remember much at that point, i know i insisted on taking a book for some reason.

so there i was again in the er, gagging down liquid charcoal and trying to answer questions that didnt seem to make sense. they kept asking why i tried to kill myself, among other things, and i kept tyring to tell them i hadnt, at least it was never my intention.

the whole thing didnt go over so well and i ended up in a facility that monitors people who are suicidal, mentally unbalanced and other similar disorders. i was furious, it felt like i was being punished, like i was in jail. i didnt belong there, not like the others who clearly had obvious problems.

that weekend was one of the longest i spent in my life.

at some point i realized that if i didnt stop acting depressed and angry that they would keep me there for a long time, so i pulled it together and changed my attitude.

im pretty sure it was then that the changes ive been working on with my life began.

and this brings me to bounce... sorta.

the facility that i was staying in also houses the senior day care center. my grandmother had gone there before she got bad. the day i was discharged i was waiting for the paperwork and began to think about thins, and my mind wandered to the building next door. i was thinking that if my stay was that boring and miserable how hard it must be for the seniors that went there.

so i started out patient classes and a few weeks later i began to volunteer at the center to help with the elderly in whatever capacity they needed.

and this has been one of the best decisions, fulfilling decisions ive ever made. these people are amazing, they a pleasure to assist, even when they are having their off days. i basically help out with whatever they need, from cleaning to hosting art "classes", i keep them company and listen to their interesting stories. i seem to get along well with people that age.

the other day i was out in the hall, talking to one of the guys when i was asked to help out in the main room. they were playing basketball and needed someone to hold the basket and serve as a backboard. what began with trying to make baskets quickly became how many times can you hit me in the face. the balls were soft and it was all in fun so that wasnt that big a deal. it ended with everyone laughing and having a fun afternoon.

so yeah, funny how something so bad can lead to something so rewarding. i really love those folks and look forward to every minute with them. my time spent with them is truly a gift.