week 43: universe

last month, i achieved two years of sobriety. this might not sound like all that long, and it really isn't in the grand scheme, but it was roughly one-seventh of the time i spent not being sober, and i can pretty much say with certainty that these two years - i wouldn't have had, had i continued drinking the way that i did.

i said somewhere the other night that all those years i spent out there, begging, screaming and blaming god for everything, that i was so loud that i couldn't have heard any answer, any response over my own noise. that i took certain things for granted and was bitterly angry and hurt when i felt i was being punished or crushed by some cosmic force out there that clearly had it out for me.

that was the other thing. out there. these days i see things more "in here" not so separate or clearly defined. that blurriness that once applied to my gray area of ethics as kind of been applied to my connection with other people, if that makes sense. i see us as being closer to one another than i did in the darker years of misuse.

i still get depressed, i still have issues with trust and faith and bad things still happen. but i find that i seem to be better equipped to handle them than i was a few years ago.

i have also been blessed with some really special moments and i see those moments a lot more clearly than i once did. while i don't define myself through those kind of moments as much i am able to be present in them.

so the bad things that happen, they pass - and i can learn from them. those good ones, i can enjoy and keep for what they are and not what they were or might be.

right now, i'm just smiling.

Redemption Song

-Bob Marley
Old pirates, yes, they rob I;
Sold I to the merchant ships,
Minutes after they took I
From the bottomless pit.
But my hand was made strong
By the 'and of the Almighty.
We forward in this generation
Triumphantly.
Won't you help to sing
These songs of freedom? -
'Cause all I ever have:
Redemption songs;
Redemption songs.
Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our minds.
Have no fear for atomic energy,
'Cause none of them can stop the time.
How long shall they kill our prophets,
While we stand aside and look? Ooh!
Some say it's just a part of it:
We've got to fulfil de book.
Won't you help to sing
These songs of freedom? -
'Cause all I ever have:
Redemption songs;
Redemption songs;
Redemption songs.
Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our mind.
Wo! Have no fear for atomic energy,
'Cause none of them-a can-a stop-a the time.
How long shall they kill our prophets,
While we stand aside and look?
Yes, some say it's just a part of it:
We've got to fulfill the book.
Won't you help to sing
These songs of freedom? -
'Cause all I ever had:
Redemption songs -
All I ever had:
Redemption songs:
These songs of freedom,
Songs of freedom.