week 17: asleep

fair warning, im probably not going to be quite as eloquent as i usually am here, that said, i might have just done.


ive been thinking about sleep and how every time you lay down its like kinda practising for death, in that when youre awake youre alive and when you arent, you go somewhere else.

sometimes its nowhere, sometimes its eden, and sometimes its hell.

i guess it all depends on a "spot of mustard you had with dinner that night."

whatever your ghosts or demons or angels or nothing, well i guess we bring it upon ourselves, one way or another.

i find that i both love and sleep, i fear death as much as i find life lacking, and in that i honestly cant figure out a happy medium better than that i guess ill have to ride it out, but sleep, i hate sleeping because im always, invariably remembering a girl, that though, i lost, never existed.

and that though she wasnt really there, i look forward to seeing her every night.

fucked up, right?

so yeah, hell, heaven, or whatever.

oh and a song?


something i can never have - nine inch nails

I still recall the taste of your tears.
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore.
Scraping through my head 'till I don't want to sleep anymore.

You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I'm down to just one thing.
And I'm starting to scare myself.
You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I just want something.
I just want something I can never have

You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now.
This thing is slowly taking me apart.
Grey would be the color if I had a heart.

Come on tell me


In this place it seems like such a shame.
Though it all looks different now,
I know it's still the same
Everywhere I look you're all I see.
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be.

Come on tell me


I just want someting i can never have.








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