going back and reading the 2011 post really shows how unhealthy everything was, and how amazing it was that i wouldn't let myself acknowledge that, perhaps i should say, rather, that i am amazed by how resigned i was to where i was and the relatively short path on which i was heading.
some things don't change, i still see sleep as a preparation for death, and although i have no real reason to believe it, i have come to hope that when we die, we get to live in the best moments of our lives, which would be incentive enough to try and accrue as many of those moments as we can, i could see how not having any of those moment would be something akin to hell, to move on and be stuck in that misery forever.
i've thought about this a lot over the years. as i am getting older i have begun to lose people, some - like my grandparents are bittersweet, i miss them, but they had long and happy lives. my father, who decided to pack it in, did so at a time when i was too young. and i have had friends, my age, who have died for some reason or another, all of these i pray for every night before i fall asleep.
this has been a long road, there have been many changes in my life since i began this whole thing back in 2006. another volume is coming to a close, i'm in the process of deciding what to do with this project, if it has run it's course or should move on to volume five.
I Will Follow You Into The Dark - Death Cab for Cutie