2/19/15

week 50: sleep


the last time i wrote about this topic, it was 2011. So much has changed in my life since then, you can view that post here. Sleep has always been difficult for me, for years i did with little, later i drank until i was able to pass out. these days i try to do my best to get what i can, without the aid of substances. it still comes with great difficulty.

going back and reading the 2011 post really shows how unhealthy everything was, and how amazing it was that i wouldn't let myself acknowledge that, perhaps i should say, rather, that i am amazed by how resigned i was to where i was and the relatively short path on which i was heading.

some things don't change, i still see sleep as a preparation for death, and although i have no real reason to believe it, i have come to hope that when we die, we get to live in the best moments of our lives, which would be incentive enough to try and accrue as many of those moments as we can, i could see how not having any of those moment would be something akin to hell, to move on and be stuck in that misery forever.

i've thought about this a lot over the years. as i am getting older i have begun to lose people, some - like my grandparents are bittersweet, i miss them, but they had long and happy lives. my father, who decided to pack it in, did so at a time when i was too young. and i have had friends, my age, who have died for some reason or another, all of these i pray for every night before i fall asleep.

this has been a long road, there have been many changes in my life since i began this whole thing back in 2006. another volume is coming to a close, i'm in the process of deciding what to do with this project, if it has run it's course or should move on to volume five.

anyway.


I Will Follow You Into The Dark - Death Cab for Cutie


Love of mine, some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the "No"'s on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me,
"Son, fear is the heart of love."
So I never went back

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the "No"'s on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
'Cause we'll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the "No"'s on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark
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